What is a Third Culture Kid?
The term, Third Culture Kid (TCK), was first coined by researchers John and Ruth Useem in the early 1950s, referring to children who spent part of their developmental years in a foreign culture due to their parents’ working abroad. Specifically, TCKs would travel with expatriate parents and spend significant portions of their growing years in cultures other than their passport cultures (Bonebright, 2010). TCKs then often incorporate aspects from two (or more) cultures – developing their own “third culture” – which is quite unique to each individual.
First- and second-generation Americans are also considered to be TCKs – those who either spent part of their childhood in their parents’ country-of-origin and another part in the US, or have primarily lived in the US but experienced significant cultural influence from their parents’ culture-of-origin.
Although the phrase highlights “kids,” TCK can describe experiences of an adult. Adult TCKs (ATCKs) carry the same highly valuable formative development – equipping them with skills to manage change, connect with different people, and communicate across cultures (Bonebright, 2010). Similarly, ATCKs often struggle with ongoing confusion around identity, relationships, and belonging.
Benefits of the TCK Experience
- Adaptability and Connection: Children who grow up in a culture different from their parents’ or move frequently between cultures, develop important skills for adjusting and connecting with others. These skills are necessary to quickly learn about the new context they find themselves in, which includes cultural norms and values, languages, unspoken social etiquette, and new systems (e.g., academic, social, political, healthcare, etc.). Their openness to discover commonality in people across cultures make TCKs natural diplomats (Byttner, 2012).
- Multilingualism: Early exposure to multiple languages provides TCKs with unique advantages: acquiring new languages and vocabulary more easily, understanding nuances in dialogue, and ability to navigate cross-cultural issues more innately.
- Cultural empathy: The process of having to observe and “fit in” to new cultural environments is an exercise in empathy – placing oneself in another’s shoes and using this information to understand and collaborate with others. TCKs’ keen cultural awareness and empathy allow them to connect well with individuals who have different cultural norms, values, and behaviors – they can easily bridge cultures.
- Academic success: In the US, TCKs have been found to attend higher education institutions at approximately four times the rate of domestic students (Elsheikh, 2020). They possess a strong internal motivation to succeed academically and embrace their global perspective as a strength. Having lived through the challenges of relocation and cultural adaptation, TCKs often set personal goals to prove to themselves that they can excel despite life’s obstacles.
Challenges of the TCK Experience
- Lack of belonging and community: While TCKs have greater exposure to the world at large and often have an extensive social network, they may still feel a sense of rootlessness (Long, 2020). Oftentimes, TCKs experience a feeling of belonging everywhere and nowhere at the same time.
- Identity confusion: With competing norms, expectations, and values across cultures, TCKs have a difficult time developing a coherent sense of self. Mixed and/or changing cultural messages over time can cause self-doubt and confusion about one’s identity and sense of belonging (Hervey, 2009). Interpersonally, TCKs might find it uncomfortable to be their “true” or “authentic” selves.
- Relationship Issues: TCKs may struggle to form secure, long-lasting relationships. Their lack of a consistent “home base” and/or caregiver presence during formative years can interfere with their sense of physical and emotional stability, making it hard for them to trust that relationships can be enduring. Moreover, the varied cultural experiences are so nuanced for each TCK, that unless time is spent formulating their unique experiences, values, and expectations in relationships, TCKs default to adjusting to others and subsequently feel misunderstood, undervalued, and/or alone.
- Common Psychological Concerns: Understandably, having to navigate complexities of living between cultures as outlined above, can lead to significant psychological concerns. Common issues reported by TCKs include: anxiety (general and social), depression, OCD, perfectionism, relationship challenges, family conflict, grief/loss, trauma, and questions around identity.
Sumita: A Sample TCK Experience
This vignette of “Sumita” illustrates common struggles that a TCK may experience. It should be noted she does not represent a real person, but a composite story to help us understand the TCK experience in a tangible way.
Sumita is a 26-year-old, single, first-generation Indian-American woman who works as a contractor with a large consulting firm. She received an MBA from a top university and is a former Division I athlete at an Ivy League university who continues to stay physically active. She has a personal trainer and strict exercise schedule. As a high achiever, Sumita struggles with managing her anxiety and work stress.
Sumita was raised by married parents who immigrated from India to New York before she was born. The middle of three siblings, she is often touted as the family member who “has it all together.” Although her parents say that they are proud of her, Sumita notices how much more praise her siblings receive for pursuing jobs as medical doctors. Sumita often feels “inferior” to others, especially those who have a medical or doctoral degree.
Sumita has tons of friends with whom she has plans almost every night. Yet between work, social demands, and her exercise routine, she is frequently exhausted. Moreover, she has experienced persistent self-doubts when it comes to dating and questions why she hasn’t been able to find a long-term partner.
Understanding Sumita
Taking into account the benefits and challenges of being a TCK can help us appreciate the nuances of Sumita’s struggles and sense of self.
Having grown up in a bicultural environment, she has developed adaptability, resilience, and cultural empathy – qualities that have enhanced Sumita’s inner drive and self-efficacy to achieve significantly (competing at the highest collegiate level athletically and academically, earning an MBA from a top university, and landing a job at a prestigious firm).
Living between cultures has also strengthened her ability to connect with others and develop a wide social network. Yet, Sumita finds it difficult to identify and share her “true” self or feel “good enough.” It’s easier to be a chameleon – if she gives people what they want, they will like her. The pressure to meet everyone’s expectations – from both her family/Indian and American cultures, gender norms/expectations, value on career achievement and progression – exacerbates perfectionist tendencies.
As she compares herself to her siblings, who have pursued culturally traditional paths in medicine, and have Indian-identifying romantic partners, Sumita’s self-criticism and anxiety increase. She fills up her schedule with activities, as staying busy is her way of feeling in control and less anxious (or at least trying to avoid intense distressing emotions) .
Sumita’s busy social schedule and rigorous, self-imposed exercise routine lead to exhaustion and burnout, and continuing to leave her feeling empty. Unbeknownst to her, the “busy-ness” is driven by a fear of being disliked or inadequate – is she “enough” if she isn’t overly-responsive to others or making sure no one feels upset with her? The fear of being alone or unlovable is enough to set her needs to the side.
She worries about “what’s wrong with me?” that she isn’t in a committed relationship yet. Her parents find every opportunity to chastise her for not prioritizing marriage and kids. She adds dating to her list of stressors and “to-dos.”
Addressing the Needs of TCKs
As you can see in the above example, there’s a lot to unpack and Sumita needs some space to work through several nuanced challenges.
There are sources of emotional strain, especially with how to manage work-life balance, relationships, and self-views. A deep sense of understanding from others can be crucial for TCKs as they navigate their complex upbringing.
Through meaningful social connections, and potentially a therapy space, TCKs like Sumita can examine sources of distress and develop skills or change approaches to manage stressors. Through this exploration they can gain a sense of belonging and emotional stability. Understanding intricate aspects of identity and the complexities of intersecting cultures can help TCKs feel more confident in themselves and improve relationships. Ultimately, TCKs can attain satisfaction and contentment in their unique identity and experiences.
Self-Reflection
- How do you relate to the concept of cultural identity, and do you feel connected to one particular culture, or multiple cultures simultaneously?
- Have you ever felt a lack of belonging in one culture or another? In what ways has it affected you?
- Have you noticed any challenges in connecting with peers who haven’t had similar experiences of living in multiple cultures (non-TCKs)? How do you bridge that gap?
